20 Aprile 2016 13:46

Depressione, bipolarità, disturbi psichici: quando l’animazione aiuta a capirsi

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I have lived with depression and either ADD or Bipolar II (depending on which psychiatrist you ask) for over two decades. I spent a lot of that time afraid of what other people would think if they knew how much I struggled to get out of bed each morning. Looking back, I can’t draw a line between the suffering caused by the symptoms of my mental illness and my shame about having a mental illness.

I was fortunate to have the love and support of my family, a couple of close friends who understood the seriousness of my illness, and access to treatment. But I felt incredibly alone.

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Ever since I was a kid reading Ramona the Pest and Pippi Longstocking, stories have helped me to understand myself in the world. The people who wrote books or made films that described their experiences of living with a mental illness made it possible for me to begin to understand and articulate my own story. And helped me to feel much less alone.

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As a writer, and as a documentary maker, making this film made sense as a way for me to start taking some small steps outward, to connect with others. I know now that when I allow shame to keep me from asking for help, I falter. When I choose connection, I create a space for healing: not only my own, but for Others.

I started drawing Bipolar Girl, Kacey the Wonderdog, and the Creature in my mid-thirties, right after a therapist strongly recommended that I pursue treatment for Bipolar Disorder II. After I’d been working on the project for a while, I received a different diagnosis from my new psychiatrist: Attention Deficit Disorder and Major Depression.

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I thought, but didn’t say, “You can’t be serious. My film is called Bipolar Girl Rules the World + Other Stories. And now you’re going to change my diagnosis?” 

It’s pretty common for a person struggling with mental illness to receive multiple diagnoses over time. And “ADD and Major Depression Girl” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. So I decided that it was OK for me to keep the name.

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The Bipolar Girl episodes feature the epic clash of my alter egos:

  • Bipolar Girl, equipped with superpowers of persistence, determination, and dark humor
  • Kacey the Wonderdog, embodying playfulness, compassion, and steadfast loyalty
  • The Creature, formed out of a villainous mix of depression, shame, and perfectionism.

Over time, I came to realize that the roles my characters inhabited were not as distinct as I originally thought. The story was definitely more complicated. The visual artist Emily Ensminger took my personal narrative essays, and ideas suggested by my drawings, and created a whole visual frame of reference — characters, themes, metaphors — that runs through each of the Bipolar Girl episodes.

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Through my voice and Emily’s drawings, I traverse my experiences with mental illness and its intergenerational legacy; the unwelcome (but ultimately essential) necessity of relying on others for help, self-harm, the gifts of being seen, isolation, creativity, and healing.
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It’s messy! Definitely not a straightforward process. But most days, I feel like I’m heading in the right direction. My work with

Bipolar Girl Rules the World and Other Stories challenges and nurtures me. Here’s what I’ve discovered works for me:

  • Telling my own story. Hundreds of times.
  • Listening to hundreds of stories from people who also live with mental illness.
  • Being part of a team dedicated to my well being. My therapist, psychiatrist, and I approach my treatment collaboratively. We each bring different perspectives and types of knowledge into the decisions we make regarding my care. I want to emphasize that the quality care I receive is exceptionally rare and I do not take it for granted.
  • Letting go of perfectionism. It makes forward progress incredibly difficult. (I’m still working on this one — see the 80% Manifesto, below!)
  • Learning to take small steps.
  • Finding community — a place to show up most days, whether I’m feeling fabulous or discouraged, on-top-of-the-world or completely overwhelmed.
  • Connecting with people (with or without mental illness) committed to living with vulnerability and compassion.
  • Reaching out and asking for help when I need it.

Now, with this Kickstarter campaign, I’m reaching out in a big way! I invite you to connect with us, and to support Bipolar Girl Rules the World and Other Stories.

 – Dawn Dreyer

More info about the project here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bipolargirldoc/bipolar-girl-rules-the-world-other-stories

http://www.bipolargirldoc.com/

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The “Other Stories”

The “Other Stories” are first-person narratives, assembled from my conversations with people from across spectrum of gender, age, culture, income, education, professions, and diagnoses.

I’ve collaborated with Andrea Love on Fear, featuring Dr. Zenglo Chen. Zenglo was four when his parents disappeared, victims of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. Showcasing Andrea’s exquisitely crafted hand drawn and stop motion animation, Fear considers the tensions between fear and safety; faith and psychology; Chinese and American identity; and acceptance and healing.

Fear is first of the “Other Stories” we’ve completed, and it’s incredibly exciting that it will making its premiere (as stand alone short film) as part of a program curated by Whoopi Goldberg at Tribeca Film Festival! 

FEAR
a film by Dawn Dreyer + Andrea Love

go to Fear website

Directed by Dawn Dreyer + Andrea Love
Animation By Andrea Love
Produced by Dawn Dreyer
MUSIC BY ERIC KUHN

FEAR is both a stand alone animated short and part of the feature length film BIPOLAR GIRL RULES THE WORLD + OTHER STORIES. See more of Andrea’s amazing animation here!
(Thanks to dr. Michiel Bosman and to Openforest website)
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